Episode #36: Recovery after loss with Bree Nacarrato
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In this episode, Rhonda has the pleasure of chatting with her friend and colleague, Bree Nacarrato.
Bree Nacarrato is the owner of Loved Momma Fitness. She is also a CrossFit coach and also has a Bachelor's degree in Psychology.
She has worked with the pre and postnatal population for almost three years before she gave birth to her second daughter who sadly was stillborn.
Since the death of her daughter in April 2021 she has begun working with loss mothers who have experienced tragic pregnancy or infant loss.
Bree recently launched her first return to exercise program, the Recovery After Loss Program, which is a completely trigger free, 6-month program that walks with mothers through both their physical and emotional healing.
We’re so grateful to Bree for sharing her story with us. We touch on a lot of topics in this episode including:
🔹What got Bree into the pre/postnatal fitness world
🔹Her fitness journey through 2 pregnancies
🔹Her 2nd daughter, Rainey’s story
🔹How her faith helped her throughout her stillbirth experience
🔹Why it was important for her to share her story on social media
🔹Her recovery and return to fitness journey after losing Rainey
🔹How Bree turned her tragic loss into a much needed return to exercise program for other loss moms
🔹All about her Recovery After Loss Program
➡️ We would LOVE if you would share this episode with a friend, drop a star rating or leave us a review!
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Episode #36: Recovery after loss with Bree Nacarrato
Hey podcast friends, Rhonda here. Just a couple quick announcements before I get into the episode. So I had the pleasure in today's episode of interviewing my friend Bree Naccarato, and she has released a wonderful program called Recovery After Loss, and it's a trigger free program for mothers who have suffered tragic pregnancy or infant loss, and she has offered to provide a 10 percent discount.
For our listeners. So I'm going to post the link for that in the show notes. And if you use the discount code PODCAST10, that will give you a 10 percent discount off of her program. So thank you Bree for that. And also just to let you know that the doors are now officially closed for the 2 week trial for my Strong at Home membership for 22.
You can still get on the wait list for that. Um, I will post the link for that in the show notes as well. And as a listener of the podcast, I will also provide a 30 off discount for your first month of the Strong at Home membership. If you're interested in trying it, um, so what I'll do for that is I'll get you to send me a DM on Instagram at Rhonda Chamberlain PT, and I'll give you that discount to get 30 off your first month.
All right, let's get into the episode.
We're excited to have you join us for this episode of Pelvic Health and Fitness. I'm Dayna Morellato, Mom, Orthopedic and Pelvic Health Physiotherapist. And I'm Rhonda Chamberlain, Mom, Orthopedic Physiotherapist and Pre Postnatal Fitness Coach. On this show, we have open and honest conversations about all phases of motherhood, including fertility, pregnancy, birth, postpartum, menopause, and everything in between.
We also provide helpful education and information on fitness, the pelvic floor, and many aspects of women's health, including physical, mental, and emotional wellness. Please remember as you listen to this podcast that this is not meant to treat or diagnose any medical conditions. Please contact your medical provider if you have specific questions or concerns.
Thanks so much for joining us. Grab a cup of coffee. Or wine. And enjoy!
Welcome everyone to another episode of the Pelvic Health and Fitness podcast. Before we get into today's episode and introduce our guest. I want to give a content warning. In this episode, we'll be talking about infant loss, stillbirth, and miscarriage.
If these topics are triggering for you, please consider skipping this episode or coming back to it another time. Protect your peace. All right. Now let me introduce our guest today. I am honored to welcome my friend and colleague, Bree Naccarato. Welcome Bree. Hi. So before we get into your story, I am just going to give a little bit of a bio for our listeners to learn a bit more about you.
So Bree is the owner of Loved Mama Fitness. She is also a CrossFit coach and has a bachelor's degree in psychology. She has worked with the pre and postnatal population for almost three years before she gave birth to her second daughter, who sadly was stillborn. Since the death of her daughter in April 2021, she has begun working with lost mothers who have experienced tragic pregnancy or infant loss.
Bree recently launched her first Return to Exercise program. The recovery after loss program, which is a completely trigger free six months program that walks mothers walks with mothers through both their physical and emotional healing. What an amazing program. Welcome Bree and thank you so much for being here.
Yeah. Thank you so much for having me on. So could you start off by just, so we got a bit of a sort of background there, um, in terms of what you've been up to, but could you tell a little bit more, uh, to the listeners about yourself and what got you into the world of pre and postnatal fitness? Yeah. So in, let's see what year, 2017, I got pregnant with our first daughter, Ellen.
Um, and at that time I was working as a CrossFit coach in Missouri. We lived there for about four years and there wasn't too much information. Obviously some of the women in the gym have had babies before, children before, and they gave me the basic information that we hear. You know, don't, don't do sit ups after.
16 weeks or when your belly starts doing this and just kind of continue whatever you're doing. Uh, and just listen to your body, which sounds great. But as we know now as coaches, listening to our body is far different once we can actually understand what it's saying. So. I didn't love that. I remember doing burpees, super pregnant, but just like going down on my side.
And I was like, this hurts, like, this is uncomfortable. I knew the baby was fine, but you know, it just not comfortable. And going into the gym, I think I was, I gave birth to Ellie at 38 and four days. And I remember going into the gym at 38 weeks. Just so pregnant. I had such bad heartburn. I couldn't bend over.
So we had the jerk blocks and I was doing snatches and I was just like, this just sucks. Hard. This can't be right. Like there's gotta be other things, um, out there. So we had known probably from about 30 weeks into my pregnancy that we were probably going to be moving back to Nevada. My husband was out in Missouri to work at nature's bakery.
Um, they want, uh, they started, he helped start up a facility out there. Um, and then we're from Nevada. So we had kind of had on the back of my head. Things were going to change, but I knew I also wanted to do something different a little bit with my business because I wanted to figure out how to help my clients and my, the members at the CrossFit gyms I worked at feel more confident in their pregnancies.
So I didn't really pursue it too hard in pregnancy because I knew things were about to change. But once we moved back to Nevada and got settled, I found Brianna Battles. Um, I started taking her course. I went to one of her very first seminars. Um, was it, I guess it was 19, 18. It had to have been 18. No, I don't know.
Dates. Yes. I'm the same. It's like right from my memory. Um, but I went to one of her first seminars, got my, uh, pregnancy and postpartum athleticism certification with her. And it just went from there. I ended up opening loved mama fitness and basically just tried running it out of different gyms and just, you know, trial and error, but definitely just working one on one with clients and mothers and, um, just building up the business that way.
And. A lot of learning a lot of like mind blowing information that I was like, why don't we know this? It's basic information that I feel like we should have known. But I mean, it can be complex, but it is in general, like pretty basic information, like, yeah, they I don't know, but yeah, that's how I got started.
And it just kind of blew up from there is great resource in our community. And I really love doing it with women here. I love that. So loved mama fitness. Was that business created after Elowen was born? Yes. I remember vividly sitting on the bed with my laptop, like going back and forth with the name and she's just laying there.
I'm sure I just finished nursing her and it's just like this. It's just been, it just was created. Yeah, I love it. I love that name. And so you talked about, so you felt a little bit confused during pregnancy and just thinking like you didn't have much guidance. Did you feel that way during your postpartum experience to just like having no idea?
How to get back into exercise, especially with like CrossFit background. How did you feel postpartum? Yeah, you know, I was really lucky. I guess I know now in hindsight, I was really lucky because I was ran through pregnancy. I did all the CrossFit stuff. I have videos of me dead lifting way too much weight in my belly is coning.
My postpartum was really easy. Yeah. Physically, I guess. Um, I had no tearing, no issues, no prolapse. I did end up seeing pelvic floor physical therapist pretty early, maybe. Hmm. No, she was probably a year old. Um, but thankfully everything was fine. But I do remember returning, um, and I was nursing. So I had questions about that.
People didn't really know. Um, and then just slowly going back in because I remember being super sore, but you just kind of lightened the weight, didn't do as much. I still ran. I remember doing push presses and leaking and being like, what the heck, you know, my body feels okay. But. I'm still peeing everywhere and this can't be right.
So then I went to Brianna's course and it was kind of like a jolt. I didn't go back to the gym for a while after that. So I was like, Oh, I'm like, I could have really hurt myself, you know, kind of scared. Yeah. And then that was just part of the learning like from there is I still had to finish going through the course and learn and understand and then how to apply that to my body.
So it's kind of, you know, absorbing information, but figuring out how to apply it to your own rehab when you don't really have anybody else helping you other than what you have to learn and then trial and error on yourself. So for sure. Yeah, I felt fortunate, definitely to not have. destroyed my pelvic floor, but I know that's always the case.
So I really took that to heart knowing that. You know, we could have potentially injured our early postpartum mothers and had no idea that it could have, you know, not our fault, but we have a responsibility as trainers to have the best care possible for our clients. For sure. Yeah, it's the whole once you know better you do better kind of thing, right?
Yes. Yes. And yeah, I relate to that story so much to Bree. Like for me, it was after my second daughter, because I, same as you, my first daughter, I had a pretty easy recovery and I didn't really deal with any symptoms. So it kind of reinforced my bias that like, because I was fit and because I was strong, my body just bounced back and I sort of like fit the mold of what society expects.
Um, but after my second daughter, not so much, but same thing, like, Once I, so I dealt with bladder prolapse symptoms and I also had a moment of just like panic and just Like, Oh my goodness, what am I doing to my body? And what do I do? So I just froze and stopped for like two weeks. I didn't work out at all.
And then same as you, that's when I started learning. And that's when I took Brianna battles course two and just became obsessed with the core and pelvic floor. And just same thing, realizing like, why hasn't anyone taught me this and like, I'm a physio too. So you expect that I would know this stuff, but I did not at all.
So yeah, I think. Probably many of us have gone through sort of like the extremes of like, you know, pushing our body to the limits and then realizing we don't know very much and then doing nothing and then trying to find that middle ground, right? Like, remembering our body's not fragile, like our body's still strong and capable, but also we need to be mindful of like our long term core and pelvic health too, right?
Yeah, because it was a narrative. You're not broken. You're just pregnant. And I'm like, okay, like I could do it. I did do it. I did a lot of things. Yeah, great. So yeah, I could easily ran with like, well, I was fit. So that was why I had a great postpartum. But I think that was that kind of separates us to knowing that this is one event.
These are other events that can happen and you can be super fit. And I think I can never remember her last name. But Lindsay was there with Brianna and she had a she's a CrossFit. Athlete, goes to the CrossFit Games, she had a really hard pregnancy and a really hard recovery postpartum. So I think that was like, she's like one of the most fit people in the world, but doesn't work super hard on her body.
So it does not matter how strong you are, how fit you are, pregnancy can do whatever to your body. Yes, exactly. Lindsay Valenzuela, right? Yes. Yeah. That's a good example. Right. Cause again, you assume someone that's like been to the CrossFit games, they're the epitome of like, they're just going to bounce back.
Right. But not true. It's not, it's not a given. Yeah. Even Brianna, you know, she has said she doesn't have much pelvic floor dysfunction, but even with the C section, she shares a ton about that and the big babies and how impactful that was on her super fit, super strong body as well. Totally. Yeah. And that's why she built the business she has, which you and I are both thankful for because that's what got us into this world and helped us build these businesses.
Right. So yeah, it all comes full circle. Yes. So tell us a bit about, so that was sort of your first daughter with pregnancy and postpartum. Tell us a bit about your second pregnancy, first of all, and like, what did exercise look like for you during that second pregnancy? Yeah, second pregnancy was a lot of fun.
I L. O. N. She was a surprise. You know, those are always fun. Um, he was much more planned. And, um, so it's really exciting because I knew my body was very strong. Everything was good pelvic floor health, and I knew what to do. And so I was so excited to apply my knowledge to my pregnancy. Um, and really kind of just document that journey.
Um, and just being really aware like that first trimester, how much that changes your body early with just the increase of the blood flow and your heart rate shooting up way faster. And, um, and then going into the second trimester. And not dealing with as easy as L. O. N. S. Pregnancy felt I noticed and remembered that I had a lot of, um, pubic symphysis dysfunction and brown ligament pain.
So I was really prepared for that. When rainy, I, uh, you know, released my Brown ligaments much more often and, uh, just was more prepared and knew to keep my knees together and getting on and off the bike and getting out of the car and whatever. So I was able to really mitigate that dysfunction in pregnancy and that, that was what was super uncomfortable.
I could not beat the heartburn. That was for sure. Both babies, the heartburn was relentless. Um, and then I had been working towards getting my doula, um, That certificate license. I don't know either one. Um, with rainy as well. Um, so it was fun to, uh, um, apply those types of things that pregnancy as well.
Kind of paying more attention to your positioning and her movement and going into the third trimester, preparing for a home birth and all the things that come with that. Um, it was just great. I knew how to change up my exercise effectively pay attention to coding or doming in my Stomach or any sort of leaking issues that might present.
I did not struggle with leaking in my pregnancy as much. I can't even remember with LON. I think it was just a normalized that you just kind of like all of it. Um, but really the pregnancy was great. I Unfortunately, she died, likely in labor, um, but I hadn't really known yet, obviously looking back, I'm like, okay, there was a lot of signs, but it's just something you can't accept at all.
It can't be real, especially with people telling you over and over again. And I see a lot of parallels from exercise to even the misnomers through. Pregnancy and stillbirth prevention of like, oh, yeah, your baby slows down and that's normal. Um, it's not, you know, um, but it I just remember being in labor, labor starting and I knew what to do, like with Ella when I was just kind of like, I don't know what to do, you know, I was walking around my island doing squats, doing lateral lunges, keeping my knee up, sitting on the toilet, like able to count the contractions and the time apart and like it was progressing really well and really quickly.
So it's just really awesome to know all of these things about pregnancy. Right. I know I was not a first time mom, but just knowing what my body needed, like, Oh, she's not in the right position. Like, can I do this movement and help her get into a better position? Um, you know, use more squats, not lay on my back and those, those different types of things, um, just really helped prepare my physical body for the pregnancy and the birth.
Yeah. Yeah. So when, when did you know she was stillbirth? Was it as you were delivering? No. So I called the midwives. I just kept, I remember asking my husband like a million times, like, well, when should I call them? Like, yeah, it feels good, but something feels weird. And I'm like, when should I call them? I finally called them around I don't even know.
They, a little bit after midnight, I think, and they arrived and they could not find her heartbeat. And this whole time also, I did not know the gender of the baby. So that, um, I think almost kind of helped with the whole situation. Cause I just really wanted to meet the baby. Um, but they couldn't find her heartbeat.
My midwife. She checked my cervix and I was dilated to a three and she could feel the baby's head but she could not get the baby to move. So at that point they, I didn't even pack a hospital bag because I was like, I don't need a hospital bag. My poor husband was like trying to figure out what to pack.
He like pulled a thong out and I was like, No, I'm fine. It's so weird. You just, you're just in the zone. You know, I just. It was, it was hard because we also didn't have, we didn't know the gender. So I had a black and white onesie, but I knew if the baby was a girl, we would just put her in, I had a special onesie for Elowen that I wanted her to wear, but I never made it to the hospital.
So it's all those little details that you don't think about. Cause I was like, Oh, we don't need to bring all this stuff. Like. Everything's fine. You know, like we'll be coming home. It's stupid, but everything will be fine. You know, you just nothing makes sense in that moment. Yeah. Yeah. We just kind of threw some stuff in a hospital bag and then drove to Reno, which I thought where we were living, it was about a little under 30 minute drive.
Ish, something like that. Um, yeah, and I just that was hard. Um, my contractions kept going, which I was thankful for. I know that it probably took longer overall, just because of everything, especially once we got to the hospital is really scary. Um, and this is due to the height of COVID. Also, a lot of people ask me questions about that.
Like, well, if you thought maybe something was wrong, why didn't you go to the ER? Well, Nevada's a lot different than other states here. Um, they're not super into the home birth style. So there's been a lot of negative stories about home birth moms going in and just being treated absolutely terrible. So I was terrified to do that.
And then again, COVID, pregnant, like what's worse? Um, so there's a lot of things that I know people think about, like, well, why didn't you do this? You know, I Didn't really have that option. No. Um, thankfully, I know that God was in this whole thing because My both my midwives and my husband and I were all able to to labor and delivery together, which is like literally unheard of.
Um, during COVID times, right? Especially during COVID time. Yeah. Especially here. They're not very nice. Okay. Um, Duluth and Midweiss specifically, so it was really great that they were all able to come because everybody was frantic and they couldn't understand that Rainey came on her due date, so April 5th was her due date, so they didn't think that that was true.
They thought maybe I was further along in my pregnancy and that's why the baby was stillborn and they did the ultrasound and I was still laboring at that point. Bye. They had checked my dilation. My bags were still intact and I was at a six. So just within that half hour drive, I was able to dilate three more centimeters.
Um, it probably helped that we walked as well, but, um, I was having double peaking contractions with her, which was super fun, while they were doing the ultrasound, um, and that was like the confirmation that she was not alive. So, labor progressed, they offered me all sorts of stuff, but, you know, I knew that, The delivery of a stillborn baby was going to be much more physically challenging than a living baby because she wouldn't be able to move around for me.
My water was still intact. So I labored for a while. I kept trying to break the bag. They ended up, they were super nice. They're like, well, I'm not going to break your water. Until you let me pour an IV. So I ended up having to have an IV ported, which was awful. They missed the vein even in the, so I just have this thing shoved in my arm while I'm laboring and then they broke my water, um, And then I don't know.
I think from there things picked up. I had a cervical lip which was also awful, like super awful. So the OB was pushing my cervical lip aside while I was trying to push because I had dilated to a 10. Um, it was extremely painful. It was just hard. Like, yeah, not medicated whatsoever. And I feel that they did a lot of things that hurt me more than necessary, but.
I don't know. She made it here. My husband was able to see her gender and then that was pretty immediate reason for her death. She had a true knot that tightened. It was super tight. Um, so when she dropped for labor, it just tightened and cut off all her blood and air supply and that was it. So it was just nice to know that that was the cause without the unknowns because now the more I'm in this community, there's a lot of women that never know why.
Yeah. Or it says something with their placenta, which is kind of scary because you don't know what a sussicant pregnancy might look like with that potential problem again. So it was nice to know that everything was good for me and for her. It was just this stupid knot that would not be able to be detected at the time.
Uh, so like birth in itself is a hard event and traumatizing and I just, yeah, I can't imagine just, you know, also tacking on stillbirth. So like, how were you processing things as your birth was happening or were you sort of in shock? Like, how did you feel during that delivery? Yeah, I mean, I think I was definitely in shock.
I don't know. It's like time lapse. I think we got to the hospital at 3am. She was delivered at 711 and I thought it was like 45 minutes. Yeah. Like in this, I know you are in a time warp in labor anyways, but like, it didn't feel like that. It was just so, so real. Like watching myself. Over the bed. Like I could see it on the body experience.
And I just remember the contractions were so strong, but I don't really remember feeling them because I was trying so hard to not even like push her out. I just wanted to keep her with me. It just, I just knew that when she came, they would take her eventually. There's you can't keep her. So, yeah, I don't really know what I was thinking.
Jess. Like, I can't believe this is happening, like, 40 weeks. There's no way that my baby is dead, like, they're lying to me. And same with on the drive there. So were you still sort of hopeful on the drive there that things would be okay? Or were you starting to accept the reality? How did you feel during that drive?
Yeah, I just, I didn't think there would be no reason that my midwife would send me to the hospital if they weren't concerned. So I was just like trying to accept that and like, what is going to happen? I was really scared to go to the hospital and I'm thankful. While some things were really challenging with the, the medical team, they were also really great.
Yeah. Damn. They were compassionate. And, um, yeah, I was just, I was just scared. I didn't know what's going to happen. Oh, man, I can just imagine. And so what did it look like after Rainey was born? Were you able to hold her? What did that look like? And what? In that moment, did you know, like, what was going to be important for you?
I guess you don't even really know until you look back, right? Yeah, I didn't, I didn't know. You know, they, they handed her to me. I was super disturbed because once I delivered her, they put her on a metal tray. And I was so angry about that. And that was like the first glimpse of my daughter on a metal tray.
And I still I'm just so angry about that. One of my girlfriends, she's an L and L and D nurse. And she's like, yeah, you know, I'm really sorry. Just people get so weird about death. Like they just don't even know, you know, she may have not even thought about like, this is wrong. Yeah. Uh, so And I remember thinking, too, the whole time, like, what is she gonna look like?
Like, how long is she being gone? And like, is she gonna be disformed? Like, is she hurt? Or, you know, like, I just, it was hard to even know that you don't know what's gonna happen. Yeah. Like is, am I going to get sick? Cause they were worried, like, we don't know how long she's been gone. You might have an infection.
And so my poor husband's all stressed out because now I know our baby's dead. He's worried about me. And it was just a lot. And, you know, we were definitely protected. And I remember just feeling so warm, like God was with us. And I had told my husband, like, I don't even know, maybe 36 weeks into pregnancy.
I just told him that. If this baby's a girl and it rains, we're going to name her Rainy, and we had not really many names picked out at all. We didn't know the gender. We had no boy names, so we would have been SOL if the baby was a boy. Like, I don't know. I didn't know what we would have named him, so. When she was born, he just looks at me and he's like, I guess we know her name and I was like, I didn't really process it at first and I look out the window and it's pouring rain, which is not common in Nevada at all.
And it was just, it was just amazing. So I, I remember just knowing like this is horrible and I don't even know what Our life is going to look like now, but we felt so comforted and we had peace at that time. It was okay. Knowing we weren't going to have to pursue like an autopsy. And, um, there was a really immediate answer to her loss.
You know, it it's reassuring in a way that it's like nothing that I did to her. Um, nothing that she did. Um, nothing we did wrong because, you know, you get a lot of slack from the community for having a home birth and so there's a lot of blame everyone wants to blame somebody behind. Yes. So it was reassuring.
Um, but yeah, the time after I don't even know how long we were there, I'm gonna be really hungry. Renown has awful food, really hungry because you, I just did this Olympic event. Yeah. Yeah. Um, And I couldn't eat gluten. I still can't eat gluten. They didn't have a gluten free menu that was worth anything to eat.
It was terrible, just really hungry. And the baby, you know, she decays really quickly. So her eyes started bleeding. Her nose started bleeding. And that was really shocking to me. So it was like making the decision of staying any longer. Or just like letting her go because her body wasn't her anymore. Yeah.
Our families, my parents and Ian's parents were able to be there. Okay. And one of my best friends was who was the L and D nurse. I had ended up calling her at 3am like praying she was going to be there. I should have called her like 15 times, but she wasn't there, but she ended up coming in first thing in the morning.
And then another one of my girlfriends that happens to work at the hospital as well. She does organ, um, transplant procurement. position. So it was nice. They were able to come in and meet the baby. So not what I ever expected. And Ellen, she of course was able to come. They were trying to not let that happen, but yeah, she came in.
So she was able to meet my sister and my daughter is very Sensitive and sweet, so it was good for her. How old was Elowen when Rainey was born? She was, oh my gosh, 21. She was four. Four, okay. Three, yeah. And were you, were you open with her right from the get go about the reality of her sister? Yeah. Yeah. I can't imagine, you know, it's hard enough as adults to talk about these things, but you know what, I feel like children are almost better to talk about and understand these things, right?
They're just so innocent and Yeah, yeah, she's so great. She always says the right thing. And she talks about her sister all the time. And she's very in tune with that. There's like not a day that goes by that she doesn't think about her, which is what I wanted, you know, obviously, people have thoughts about that as well.
But we would not There's not a day that would go by that we wouldn't talk about a child that was living. So there is no difference between our two children. There's just one that lives in heaven and one that's here. So I think that's an also like a really good reminder for like the general public and family to just talk about them.
I know we don't know a ton, but we still interact with those children every day. So there's a lot of things that Rainy does that I'm like, Oh, she's here. She's still here. I love that Bree and yeah, that sort of takes me to my next question for you. And you've been so amazing on Instagram. If people don't follow you yet, it's, is it at loved underscore mama underscore fitness?
Is that right? Yeah. So follow Bree. Um, you were so open and honest from day one, which I'm sure had its moments of, you know, did you question sharing everything you've shared or were you wanting to share right from day one about your journey? Yeah, yeah, I think I remember my dad being like, Why do you have to share that you don't have to share that I'm like that I have to share this is my life like this is my life.
And I think that brings us to that narrative of like, Oh, we don't talk about those things and I'm just like, Why don't we talk about those things? This is literally my life. This is a huge portion of my life. This is going to dictate the rest of my decisions, my literal health, everything. I will talk about this.
And I think, I think it helps that I obviously have this type of platform where we are super honest. You know, we talk about our uterine and bladder prolapse all the time. I talked about peeing all the time. So what's the difference about talking about our children and they're both my children. So yeah, maybe Rainey's.
Life was a lot harder. It's scarier. It's darker, but I felt good about sharing. There's things that I will share that I'm like, Oh, I don't know. This is pretty personal. And then it's so well received because people are like, Yes, I do that too. I thought it was just me. I thought I was alone. And that's just a narrative we hear over and over again in women's health everywhere we turn.
And it's like, you're not alone. It's okay to think these things and like, here's things that work for me, like what worked for you. And you know, the, The one thing just, it's just me and I see it differently for everyone. I don't love sharing pictures of Rini because I just don't see her that way anymore.
She's beautiful. I love looking at her photos, but I want people to look outside and see her. So in the rain, in the rainbows, like anything beautiful, that's her. And I think that's something that I personally just. Want to do when I talk about her and share about her. I have no issue sharing photos of her.
I just, that's not what I want people to think about immediately. I love that. Yeah. And then, yeah, just the physical recovery has been so much harder with her. And I don't, I don't know if it would have been this way if she lived. I honestly don't think it would happen. Um, it was really hard on your system and.
We were just talking to a little bit about the blood work that I just got back and it's a pretty clear indicator that my system is like completely out of whack. So there's been a lot of things that are so different and we do need to talk about it because even if a woman doesn't want to talk about their stillbirth or their pregnancy loss or anything like that, they can read my words.
You know, I want to make that very apparent. Just because I'm talking about it and we want to share more about it doesn't mean that everybody has to because they might not want to. We can just have more information that they can access at their, their leisure. Is that the right word? Yeah. Versus feeling like they also have to be out there talking about their baby and how sad they are.
They can definitely keep that. And to whatever extent that they want, I just, I think that the world that I've stepped into, it's not possible for me to not talk about what's going on in my life. And I'm fine with that. I'm still, I'm very quiet, introverted person. And I think that's why I really like the social media and my blogging and sharing the way that I do, because I can still share how I want to, without having to like talk to people all the time.
Yes, I can relate to that a lot. And people might think the opposite, you know, if you're an introvert, why are you sharing with the world, but there is sort of like a veil where you're not directly, you know, you don't see the other person's reaction behind the screen, right? So it still feels a bit anonymous, even though you're out there for everyone to hear about, right?
Um, yeah. So this sort of gets into our, your recovery after loss program. Like you again, just were so honest and took everyone along with your recovery journey. And I know I. I was appreciative of that. Um, I truthfully I mentioned to you before we hopped on this recording that I really loved how you mentioned, um, multiple times that you want people to talk about Rainy and you want people to bring her name up.
I was appreciative of hearing that because I think I, I was under the understanding that, you know, like maybe don't bring stuff up. with someone that's experienced stillbirths, you know, unless they do, but I liked hearing that from you and then just watching again, your recovery journey or rehab journey.
I know you said it was very challenging. Um, but I think again, for other moms that maybe have gone through something similar. Just seeing that, you know, real life example of like, Oh my goodness, it was hard for me too. And, you know, Bree's also having a hard time, helps people feel less alone. So yeah, tell us a little bit more about that recovery and like, how, how did you get back into exercise with also dealing with all the trauma of everything you went through?
What did that look like? Yeah. Um, gosh, the postpartum the first few days were so hard because you come home and my house was set up for a. Home birth. So I had the pool all set up. I had, you know, the bassinet, everything out. So just returning home to that and, you know, whether or not somebody had a home birth, they still had everything.
So moving all of that was really hard and nobody wanted to touch anything. Like everybody was so freaked out. It's like the best way to describe it. So. Not that I would have wanted anyone to move any of the things, but I'm thankful nobody did. That was like something that I needed to do, I think. Um, and then just my physical body, I was so sore.
I had to push so hard to deliver rain and, um, that. Is pretty common across the board. Some women I have seen, they said the delivery was super fast. And that just, you know, that just comes down to the body. But other women have had really traumatic births on top of the trauma, whether it was a placental abruption, emergency C section.
Um, you know, if the baby was lodged, cause they couldn't move, a lot of women will have instrumental birth. So the vacuum or the forceps on top of everything else. Yeah. So returning home, body is super sore. And then as we know, the second the placenta detaches from the uterine wall, it, we still have all these hormones.
So our body is telling us, let's make milk for this baby that we don't know is dead. So. My milk came in and this is my second baby and my milk production was great with Elowen so my milk was just so fierce this time I could have fed like hundreds of babies, but a lot of women will continue pumping and that was not for me it was very upsetting for me to have the milk come in and it was extremely painful.
I didn't prepare my pump because I was like, I don't need a pump. I will be home with rainy and I will use like a milk collection thing if I needed to make a bottle for her, just like how I done with Ellen so I couldn't get my manual pumps or my. electric pump to work. Um, and, uh, so I had to use a hand pump.
It was great. Um, so that was terrible. And then I just remember being, like I said, really sore and thinking as I laid down, like how hard it was to touch my stomach after such a traumatic loss, but also knowing that I can lay here and I can do my breath work and know how to. Make it so that my body is not as sore and as uncomfortable.
I know the basic gentle movements that we can do in early postpartum to help my body just feel a little bit better. And I was just laying there thinking like, I know this. But what about the women who don't know this, like my clientele in general, but also the women that aren't going to be Googling and finding a postpartum program that's full of like, well, baby naps, let's do this, or, you know, you've been up nursing all night.
So here's some stretches like that's so triggering, so exciting. So I was like, I just need to, I don't know how, but I'm going to put it all together. I just started documenting and journaling each day that I was doing. And then as you know, we adopted it into a whole program. Um, you know, it's really big in hindsight.
I'm looking back, I'm like, six months is a really long time. But I know that in those six months, I was able to cover everything for everybody. So it is a lot. The program is a ton. There's tons of videos, tons of information. Um, but there's a reason for that. And we think six months is so long, but within this grief, it's not, it's not at all.
Um, and I've even included because a ton of women reached out asking about, well, what if I get pregnant and it's so common for a woman who've experienced loss to get pregnant within like three months. And that is really hard on your body. I know nobody wants to tell them this, but like to back to back, like literal back to back pregnancies is really hard on your body, but back to back pregnancy after such a traumatic losses.
Extraordinarily hard on your body. Um, well, the body tends to recover a bit faster. We still have the somatic experience of grief. So it affects our muscles and our joints and our overall healing, because our heart is all additional things that we are confronting, um, a lot of people. And I am one of them that experienced just injury after injury, even with.
Safe exercise. And I know it's safe. Um, but our body is just not prepared. Um, so with through throughout the course, I have modifications for women who are pregnant working through the course. So we have trimester considerations for first trimester, second trimester and third trimester, as long with movement modification.
So it's completely catered to all women in the pregnancy and infant loss world. And, um, I even was thinking the other day, even a mother who had a traumatic birth may not, even with a living baby may not want to also enter back into that because I know even women who've had traumatic births, like they don't want to talk about it.
So they're still having super hard time bonding with the baby and that's totally valid. I get that. So, um, yeah, this courses. Really catered. It's catered. It was catered to me. So it's catered to every woman that has gone through something similar, obviously. None of us have the same story. A lot of us have very similar stories, but it's literally my six months of recovery and my journaling into one program.
And it's so beautiful. I'll say firsthand, I played a small role in, uh, helping breathe with the program and it's beautiful. It, you've done such an amazing job with it and nothing like this exists. I don't think, did you notice that when you were trying to rehab your body, did you try to find information on it?
Yeah, I mean, there are two other women that I've met, but they never created something to this degree. One of them, she's experienced miscarriage. So she definitely can speak to that. I, I know that unfortunately. You have to have experiences to really understand what it's like. So as much as we can be angry that it doesn't exist, we're also kind of happy it doesn't, but thankful that now it's here.
And I really hope that it just keeps spreading. I. As you know, we're still working on tweaking a couple things. I missed adding a section on C section, which is just like, where did that go? I just got crossed off the list somehow. So I'll always be updating and, um, doing that. I just have been taking a little bit of.
Break from the emotional toll that that took writing I even periodically people share older posts early after the loss, and it's so triggering. So walking back through and reading information from week one and week two and week three is insanely triggering because it is so triggering. pulls me right back to that.
I can imagine. Yeah. So just definitely taking a little bit of break and, um, Oh, and another big question I get asked a lot is like, Oh, it's been a really long time for my loss since my loss. Is this good for me? Um, yeah, it definitely is. So I thought about that really hard when I started writing this, like, do I really want to start writing it from day one?
Like, Hey, Your milk's here and it sucks. Here's the things that help me. Um, so even though this woman's not going to be dealing with milk, she can go back and read through those things and kind of heal different wounds and the physical aspect. I would walk every new client through the program just the way it is regardless.
You will spend multiple weeks focusing on learning how to breathe and learning how to move properly. So even if you're yours months. past your loss or just a few days. It's perfect for anybody in any stage of their life after loss. Yeah. And I know I've followed you for a long time and throughout this program where you're, you know, talking about it.
And it seemed like there was a lot of amazing feedback of people saying, this is exactly what I need, which does that help you feel more at peace with. Putting that out into the world that it was the right thing to do. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're going to question everything you do to the forever until the people are like, just.
Put it out there. Yeah. It's just so deeply personal. It's one thing when I write like something that I know is correct, fundamentally from top to bottom, exactly what that person needs. Um, and they could probably say no. And I'm like, yes, this is what you need. But when it's literally like my heart and everything out there is challenging, you don't know how people are going to receive that for sure.
Yeah. Have you got some feedback from moms that have gone through it so far? Yes. Yeah, they, you know, I wish that I had this right after my son was, um, still born. Sorry, I struggled with that. A couple other people, a few that are really early after their loss, which I'm really thankful that they're here. Uh, you know, when I first launched it, I remember Jocelyn with Motherhood Strong was like, I was just searching the internet just to buy anything for you to make it better.
Like nobody knows what to do. And I'm like That's what I need to make is something that will help, like, it's not just physical. We walked through the emotional part of it too. And it just, I feel like if I could give all these people a hug, which I can't, this is like my hug going out there like I am with you.
I know, like there is no sugarcoating any of my words in there and yeah, it's not easy. And I think I wanted authentic people like this is awful, like it's not going to be okay. It's not. You just have to figure out who you're going to be now. Like, I'm still not okay. I'll never be okay. But having people walk with you and listen to you.
I mean, I feel like my friends, they're just, all I do is tell them what sucks about my day and eventually it'll change. And I know that, but like just having them, they're always receptive is so important for somebody, even almost two years later, it's the way it is. Yeah, and we know that, right? We know that being the, having the jobs, the roles that we do, that having that community is so important, right?
So I think, yeah, you're creating such a wonderful community of, yeah, people that have been through such a hard, hard life event and then just having this program to kind of hold their hand through it a little bit, which I think is so important. So be so proud of yourself, Bree. Thank you. Yeah. So how can people find you and how can people, um, you know, is your program still open right now for enrollment?
What does that look like? Yeah, so really exciting. Well, it'll always be open. It's never going anywhere. And like I said, it's always going to be changing as I get some more feedback. Like, hey, this video isn't working. Whatever. I'm on it. I got it. I will update to the nth degree. Um, But it'll always be purchasable.
It is on my website, lovedmamafitness, M O M M A dot com. Um, and then next month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. So I plan to, I'm not sure how, what that's going to look like, but do some giveaways throughout the month. Um, so you can get the program for free. Um, but it'll always be up on the website for purchase.
Um, Yeah, it's not going anywhere. And then always on Instagram and Bree at love mama fitness. com. You can email me there as well. Awesome. And I'll put all of that in the show notes. And yes, definitely check out Bree. She is doing incredible things. Thanks so much Bree for sharing your story. You're amazing.
