Episode #44: All things doula care with Bronwyn Addico
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In this episode, Rhonda has the pleasure of chatting with her friend and colleague, Bronwyn Addico all about doula care.
Bronwyn Addico (she/her) is the owner of Balancing Birth to Baby, a support company for expecting and new parents that offers prenatal education and Doula support in Southern Ontario, Canada. She has been a Childbirth & Early Parenting Educator since 2015 and a Birth & Postpartum Doula since 2016.
After a difficult birth experience in 2013, she embarked on a journey to become a Birthing From Within childbirth mentor, and spent time in California in the Spring of 2016 to further her in-depth training.
She has supported more than 100 families during their births and early parenting journey. Bronwyn is also a single mother to two wonderful kids.
We’re so grateful to Bronwyn for sharing her story and passion with us!
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LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED IN EPISODE:
🔹 Check out Rhonda’s Strong at Home Membership
🔹 Balancing from Birth to Baby Website
SHOW NOTES:
(0:49) - Episode intro
(03:27) - What lead Bronwyn down the path to becoming a doula
(05:23) - She shares about her home birth experience with her first child
(07:51) - How her decision to become a doula was cemented after her 2nd birth
(11:45) - How Bronwyn prepared for her births
(12:40) - What is a doula and how do they support clients in their pre/postnatal experience?
(15:46) - The difference between a midwife and a doula
(17:33) - Doula support options in the postpartum period
(20:26) - How doulas fit into the support team with midwives/OBs
(21:44) - How her path to starting her doula business Balancing Birth to Baby started
(25:01) - What gave Bronwyn the confidence to start her own business
(25:49) - How she struggled to adjust to business ownership in the early days
(27:13) - The moment she knew she needed to hire help in her business
(29:09) - How her business has grown in the last several years
(30:47) - What discussions Bronwyn has with clients during pregnancy
(32:40) - Bronwyn’s top birth prep advice
(41:50) - Birth is not just a transformation, it’s a transmutation
(43:48) - Bronwyn and Rhonda chat about the identity shift in the postpartum phase
(49:32) - Discussions Bronwyn has with clients in the postpartum phase
(53:30) - Do her clients struggle to ask for and accept health from a doula?
(1:01:30) - Last tidbits of advice
(1:06:45) - How people can find Bronwyn
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Episode #44: All things doula care with Bronwyn Addico
We're excited to have you join us for this episode of Pelvic Health and Fitness. I'm Dayna Morellato, Mom, Orthopedic and Pelvic Health Physiotherapist. And I'm Rhonda Chamberlain, Mom, Orthopedic Physiotherapist and Pre Postnatal Fitness Coach. On this show, we have open and honest conversations about all phases of motherhood, including fertility, pregnancy, birth, postpartum, menopause, and everything in between.
We also provide helpful education and information on fitness, the pelvic floor, and many aspects of women's health, including physical, mental, and emotional wellness. Please remember as you listen to this podcast that this is not meant to treat or diagnose any medical conditions. Please contact your medical provider if you have specific questions or concerns.
Thanks so much for joining us. Grab a cup of coffee. Or wine. And enjoy!
Hey everyone, Rhonda here. Before we get into the episode today with Bronwyn, I just have a quick announcement. So if you have been following me and listening to the podcast for a while, you may know about my Strong at Home membership.
And this is a monthly online workout program created specifically for busy moms to help fit exercise into your hashtag mom life again. Um, to help you get strong, In your mom life and beyond so I do have a special offer happening this week So if you're listening to this episode live when it airs, it's january 23rd And on thursday of this week, january 26th The cart opens for a 50 percent off trial for one month of the strong at home membership to see And see if it's for you.
Um, so the cart opens on the 26th and the cart closes a week later on February 2nd. And then the one month trial starts on February 6th. Everyone will start at the same time. I will do an onboarding call with everybody that night. to introduce yourself, say hello, and explain to you a little bit about the membership.
So if you yourself have been interested in trying it, or if you're a healthcare or fitness professional listening, that you might have clients that might be interested in trying my Strong at Home membership, this is a super awesome way to do it. no strings attached. You can cancel after that first month if it's not for you.
Um, but yes, I would love to have you join message me on Instagram at Rhonda Chamberlain PT, and I will send you the link. All right, let's get into it. Welcome everyone to another episode of the pelvic health and fitness podcast. Today we are honored to welcome doula and business owner, Bronwyn Addico.
Bronwyn Addico, whose pronouns are she, her, is the owner of Balancing Birth to Baby, a support company for expecting and new parents that offers prenatal education and doula support in Southern Ontario, Canada. She has been a childbirth and early parenting educator for over 20 years. Since 2015, and a birth and postpartum doula since 2016, after a difficult birth experience in 2013, she embarked on a journey to become a birthing from within childbirth mentor, and spent time in California in the spring of 2016 to further her in depth training.
She has supported more than a hundred families during their birth and early parenting journey. Bronwyn is also a single mother to two wonderful kids. Thank you so much for joining us, Bronwyn. Thank you. I'm so happy to have you. Yeah. Um, so yeah, thank you for sharing that bio. And so I, I'd love to hear a little bit more if you're comfortable sharing, um, just about that difficult birth experience and kind of what got you down this path of becoming a doula.
Mm hmm. Um, I would say my path started before the difficult birth experience. Um, for me, um, I think it, the seed for birth work was planted when I was a teenager. I mean, probably even earlier than that. Like I remember being a little girl and going to church with my family on Sundays and seeing all these, you know, pregnant moms and just being like, There is a baby in there, like, just thinking that was the coolest thing ever.
And so just always having this fascination for pregnant bodies and, you know, the fact that women can grow another whole human being and how, how cool is that? When I was a teenager, though, my parents owned a bookstore, and I was working in the bookstore, well, I worked there part time quite a bit, and there was one day when I was unpacking boxes of books that had been delivered, and there was a book that had come in called Spiritual Midwifery, and I looked at the cover and was like, I don't know what this is about, but I'm going to read it.
And so I borrowed it from the bookstore, as I tended to do with lots of my book collection, which is probably some of the books I still own is borrowed from the bookstore from when I was a teenager. And, um, learned about what midwifery was and decided, okay, if I ever have children, I want them to, I want to have a midwife and I want them to be born at home.
Um, When I met my ex husband and we started to talk about marriage, um, obviously he's now my ex husband, but at the time that was not the plan. Um, and I said, you know, my deal breaker for me is, is birth and I need our children to be born at home with a midwife. And he was like, that's your deal breaker, like, not like some finance thing, you know, or anything like that.
No, that was my deal breaker. And, um, so yeah, our, our first, um, child, she just turned 17 in November. Um, And so, had a really lovely home birth experience with her, um. Very, I don't know. I, I often think with all the births that I've attended at this point, that in many ways I kind of won the birth lottery.
Um, I was very, very relaxed for most of her labor. Um, and because I was so relaxed, um, a lot of those really wonderful like oxytocin and endorphins and all of these different chemicals that your body makes all incredible natural pain, opiates, hormones, and stuff. We're all Produced in abundance and I was very relaxed.
I remember being really in a haze, almost feeling like I was kind of high or stoned in a way. And, um, Yeah. It was a really profound experience for me. It was deeply spiritual. Wow. And I kind of walked out of that with a little bit of an ego thinking, Oh, you know, I did this yoga class and I did that and I read these books and this is how I had this magical experience.
So I was like, this is the magic recipe. And I would find out that my friends, or in some cases, some of my sisters in law were pregnant and I'd be like, here's all the stuff you need to do. And everybody was just like, you know. So, um, as that sort of journey continued of me further, just, you know, spurred on by that experience, um, I was trying to decide if I wanted to be a Kamadula or if I wanted to be a midwife.
Um, I learned that Blue Herring midwives had opened their doors when my daughter was a few years old. And so I applied and, um, was hired as one of their, their first, um, administrative, um, assistant and worked there for five years. I was incredibly grateful for that experience because I think so much of what I learned in that time really helped me with growing the business that I have currently.
Um, but it also opened my eyes to realizing that the parts that was retracting me in midwifery was actually what a doula does. Okay. And the medical piece was just something that felt like I didn't want to have that responsibility. Okay. And what was really drawing me to this work was, um, the emotional support.
So, but what sort of further cemented that was that second birth experience with my son. Um, things were very different in my life at that point. And there was, um, a lot of, um, you know, Changes that happened in my family during my pregnancy, and it was a pretty stressful time and that definitely was a contributing factor to how my birth felt really overwhelming, and not in a positive way.
It was a very, very fast birth, which when I say that to people, they're like, Oh my gosh, that's amazing. How do I get a fast birth? And I'm like, well, actually, I don't know if you really want one. Yeah. Because my first labor from the time my water broke until my daughter was in my arms was about five hours, give or take, which is pretty quick for a first, first timer.
Um, with my second labor, I had had on again, off again, contractions for several days and they broke my water. Um, And I went from four centimeters to like having, again, still inconsistent contractions, um, and went from four centimeters to my son and my arms in 23 minutes. Oh my goodness. And that was at home.
That was at home as well. Yeah. Um, and so it was so fast that I never was able to get to that really sort of labor land pace that I described with my first birth. And it really, the, the best way for me to kind of explain it is to say that it was like my body was on train, you know, barreling down the tracks, like 500 kilometers an hour.
And my, my brain was still stuck back at the station. Okay. And so it felt like there was this huge disconnect between my brain and my body. And it took me about a year to bring those two pieces together again. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm so grateful for that experience now because, um, it definitely humbled me in a different way than my first birth did.
Um, and it definitely, I think, has made me a better doula. Yeah. I can have more empathy for people. I can better understand, um, how, how that disconnect can, can show up for people. Yeah. So yeah, and part of my healing journey and working through that was exploring more and more within the birthing from within program, which then just sort of lay the groundwork for me to now do the work that I'm doing.
So I love it. It just serves as that reminder. I talk about this all the time, kind of from the fitness. realm that, you know, sort of the message is taught to us. If you work out and you're strong and you're fit, you're going to have this beautiful, easy delivery and you're going to bounce right back. You know, that's the messages that have been sold to us.
And Similar to you, I feel like my first birth experience reinforced that bias. And I also had a bit of an ego about me because I had a pretty sort of textbook delivery. Um, was able to get back to exercise pretty quickly, no symptoms. Um, but same as you, my second one was much, much harder. The delivery itself was, it was fast, similar to you.
I was induced and then it was fast and furious. Um, but the postpartum recovery was that much harder. So same thing I, you know, it was, it was humbling. It was frustrating, but I'm so thankful it happened because it literally is what got me into this world. And yeah, like you said, it just kind of has you open your eyes to, you know, all the different experiences that can happen.
And then you do have more empathy for the clients that you see. Absolutely. Yeah. So did you, did you work with doulas yourself? Like, did you have doulas to support you? No. Okay. Um, I was definitely familiar with the doula model. Um, just with all the reading that I had done. Um, and then of course, working at a midwifery clinic, I was even more familiar with it.
Um, I think. With my first birth, we didn't have a lot of money, and we didn't even take a prenatal class. I read a ton, we watched a lot of birth videos, um, and I was in a prenatal yoga class, and so I hired that yoga teacher to come and do a session with me and my husband and my mom and on different positions and comfort measures and stuff.
Um, so my mom was actually at both my birth, so she was kind of that doula role in a way. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. And so before we kind of get further into your story for the people that don't know, and I never was introduced to what doulas do actually until I met you truthfully, Bronwyn, I wish I had known about doulas.
I mean, I feel like I've heard. About it in passing, but didn't really know much about it. Um, I had two midwives, so I had midwives. Mm-Hmm. Through both of mine. Um, wonderful experiences. Mm-Hmm. And I felt very supported. Um, but I still, I, I wish I could rewind and go back in time. Yeah. And learn about ula.
Yeah. Because I think just having that additional support, um, I think during postpartum I would've loved that. Mm. So, yeah. Can you tell our listeners that maybe don't know what a doula is? What exactly is that role and what are some things that you do to support your clients? For sure. Um, I think that, um, there's a few different ways to sort of explain what a doula does because really support is the keyword to that and support can be different based on the client's personality, based on what their, how their birth is unfolding or their pregnancy is unfolding and how that might influence their birth.
Um, so our support needs to be really flexible. And rigid support is not going to work with this. Birth can be a bit of a wild card. We don't know what it's going to be when it shows up. There's lots of things that can influence it, but it's going to be what it's going to be in many cases. And so our, our, our support has to be the same Um, so my best sort of way to explain it is, Like my like elevator, you know, cocktail kind of pitch cocktail, you know, party pitch is a doula is like, um, a tour guide to your birth Safari.
Ooh, I like that. Yeah. So, chances are if you wanted to go on Safari, you're not just going to show up at a random game park and be like, yeah, let's go man I'm gonna go see some lions or maybe not. Like, you know, you're probably going to want to work with somebody who regularly spends time in that game park.
They know where the lion's den is. They also know where the monkeys hang out. They're going to chat with you, find out what you're hoping to experience, find out what maybe kind of freaks you out, what you're hoping to avoid, and they're going to do their best to help you avoid the lion's den if that's the place that you're hoping to avoid.
And You know, you're going to hang out in the monkey forest if that's where you really want to be. And, you know, if you end up in the lion's den, their job is to make you as comfortable though as though you never left the monkey forest. And really what we do is doulas. So that lion's den could, it's very subjective for people.
Um, sometimes we're hired by clients where, you know, their worst case scenario would be a caesarean. Sometimes it's, birthing without an epidural is their worst case scenario. Sometimes it's birthing with an epidural is absolutely the thing that they want to avoid. And so our role is to do our best to try and avoid that as much as we can.
And there's different ways that we can help with that. supporting them in different positions, um, supporting them with different comfort measures, helping them stay relaxed as much as possible during contractions. Um, another thing, because people will often say, well, what's the difference between a midwife and a doula?
Because we don't do anything medical, you know, I won't do a cervical check. That was definitely out of my scope, something that, um, I don't, I wouldn't even feel comfortable doing if a client asked me to, it's not something that's, I've been trained on. Um, but I can certainly help interpret those numbers.
We are similar to midwives though in the level of emotional support that we give, but we're really there for just that emotional and physical piece and the midwives are, you know, emotional, physical and medical, right? The nice thing though with doulas is that we show up when the client wants us there.
And so a lot of times clients, especially when they're first time parents, they don't know when's the right time to call the midwife or when's the right time to head into the hospital. And lots of times with first time families, they'll go a little too early and they get sent home. And like, that's the last thing you want to deal with in labor because you're just going to feel frustrated.
So we come when people feel like they need that support and we stay with them until two to three hours approximately on average after the baby's born. I love that. Yeah, so after baby's out, I'm not looking at a clock by any means. I'm looking to see how the family's doing. Have they had a chance to breastfeed if that was their plan?
Have they both, you know, both parents had a chance to do some skin to skin with the baby? Um, if the birthing person didn't get an epidural, has she had a chance to get up and, you know, have a shower or, um, brush her teeth or, you know, eat something? I order a lot of Uber Eats for clients. I order a lot of Uber Eats for clients.
Yeah, the hospital, you know, and I'll run down and go grab it for them from the main entrance. So if we had a chance to kind of take care of all those basics, and basically I'm tucking them into bed. I love that. And then can you tell us a little bit what the support that you give during postpartum looks like?
Mm hmm. So postpartum, again, is really subjective. It's really based on what the family needs. Um, sometimes families hire us, often families hire us, I should say, because they don't have any support in this area. Yeah. You know, our society has really lost that sort of traditional village model. Um, where my ex husband's from, You know, when somebody gives birth there, all of the women in your family will come and take turns in your home, taking care of your, your other children and your partner for a few days at a time so that the mother can be in bed resting and recovering from labor and just focusing on breastfeeding.
And they try and do that for a minimum of one month. For everyone who delivers in that culture. Wow. And here it's, you know, like day two and you're up and going to your doctor's office to get your baby's weight, you know, um, or unless you have a midwife, right. And you don't necessarily have a mom or a sister or in laws who are coming over every day and helping to clean the house and, you know, Fold your laundry.
So that's a big part of what we do is like housekeeping. Um, I love walking into a home and seeing that there's a pile of dirty dishes in the sink and a pile of laundry in the corner because that tells me that that family has really been focused on that healing piece and bonding with their baby and leaving those parts for us.
Yeah. Often we're walking into a home with some sort of baby carrier. We'll, we'll put that on, stick baby on us. I love it. I get like, that was lovely. Like baby smells and like, they're sleeping on me. And like, I'm like, Oh, it's like, I'm a new mom again. And yet I'm like cleaning the kitchen and sending the parents off to bed or the shower and prepping some food for dinner that night and yeah.
Yeah, our intention is when we leave that postpartum home, the family feels like they have had enough things done while we were there that they can handle the next 24 to 48 hours. So good. And so it's up to the client kind of to ask for those services or do you sort of just say like these, this is what I offer.
How does that, how does that work for your clients? So, um, it depends on the package that they go with. Uh, some of our packages are just birth, some are birth and postpartum combined, some are just postpartum only. Um, so we do have people who'll reach out. Um, I just got somebody who booked a consult today who delivered in November with their second, and it sounds like they're struggling and they're just trying to figure out Getting some help at certain times of the day.
Yes. So, um, but we certainly sort of go over what all of that looks like. And then we typically will text our clients the day before the morning of the appointment to say, Hey, looking forward to our appointment. What is it that you need help with? The last time I was there, I worked on blah, blah, blah. Do you want more of that?
Or do you want something different? And just sort of touch base around what we can do. That's so good. And so, yeah. So do you, a lot of your clients have been, um, a midwife plus a doula OB plus a doula, like you, you don't replace the midwife, right? That's correct. Additional team. We're not replacing the medical team at all.
We're, we're like an accompaniment. Okay. Yeah. Um, and I often like to see us as sort of like a bridge between the medical system and the client experience. Yeah. You know, um, even if they're, they've lived in Canada their whole life, birth is something that we don't experience every day. And so when, you know, a nurse comes in and says, Oh, we have to do blah, blah, blah.
Those words are things that we're familiar with, but the client might be like, You're going to do what like, and so we can explain what that is and what that procedure involves and why it might be considered and help with advocacy and help with sort of breaking down some of the medical terminology and so on.
I love that. Yeah. So back to your story. So you were working at Blue Hair and Midwives as, um, what was the, the role that you started with? I was, I was the first administrator that they hired. Yeah. So then what led you to then, you know, go down the path of becoming a doula from there? Um, so originally I, I was just thinking.
I was really enjoying teaching childbirth classes. So that was something that Blue Heron had started. Um, they, and we still actually help run this program for them or under contract to help teach this program. So it's a, it's a really cool program called Connecting Pregnancy. And so you're matched with other people that are due in the same month period as you.
Yeah. And it's eight sessions over the pregnancy. So they had started to get me to teach a couple of the sessions. And then they were just watching me come out of that classroom. Like they were like, some of the midwives would be like, Bronwyn, like you're literally glowing right now. Like, and so like, they just said, okay, could you teach this session in this session, then like all of a sudden I'm starting to teach the whole program.
And, um, I just, I loved it so much. And so that was sort of fueling, like, me sort of going down this birthing from within path, learning that they had, um, a program where they would teach childbirth education. It seemed really in depth, which was something that attracted me to it. A lot of programs out there, because doulas and childbirth educators aren't regulated, so a lot of programs out there, you know, Here's a weekend, attend a few births, read five books, you're good.
And then this program was, um, a much more in depth model and I, that, I really appreciated that. I knew that I had a body of knowledge because I'd worked with midwives for so long, but I wanted to make sure that I had a body of knowledge that wasn't just that midwifery piece. Right. Um, So that time period kind of, you know, it was teaching connecting pregnancy, it was spending time in California, it was still working for the midwives, and I knew that I wanted to start some sort of education business.
I had met a labor and delivery nurse, actually, and she was teaching classes at an organization for public health. Um, in this area and she wasn't super happy with what she was teaching. She felt like there was just some gaps, um, and that it wasn't necessarily. Sharing the whole breadth of information are all of people's options.
It was very sort of hospital centered. It wasn't including home birth. It wasn't, it wasn't using midwifery kind of language. And so we started chatting and from our conversations that sort of grew out the business. Um, so we spent the better part of the summer, um, over at each other's houses, whatever day I was not at work, she was on mat leave and just coming up with our business plan and figuring stuff out.
And out of that, Balancing birth to baby was born. And so originally we were just intending, you know, we had thought, Oh, Childbirth classes are going to be our bread and butter. And I had talked to the midwifery clinic. They were okay with me being on call for one or two clients a month, but anything more than that felt too much for them.
Um, at that point they had another administrator as well. So there was some flexibility for me in my job, but, um, eventually I think about six months after I started the business, I ended up quitting, um, at the midwives because I had been approached by so many people to be their doula that I just looked at what I was making with them and what I could make running my own business.
And I thought, Jump ship. And I think what's helped me with growing the business is because my parents were entrepreneurs my whole life. They've always been incredibly supportive. They've also been very, very understanding. Um, they do a lot of the childcare for when I'm on call because I'm a single mother now.
Um, and, um, I think me watching them take risks, calculated risks, my whole life, I was able to take that risk of like, It's time. Yeah, it's time. And I just felt like if I didn't quit my job at that point, I was only prolongingly inevitable. And so might as well do it now. Yeah. Just got to rip the bandaid sometimes.
Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So what year was that Bronwyn? That was, so we started the business in 2016 and that was in 2017. Okay. Yeah, so and how did those first few months of just, you know, going, you know, jumping ship and just starting with that business? How did that go? You know, it was a one thing I wasn't expecting.
I ended up having a really weird identity crisis. Oh, because I had worked entrepreneurial things before, but it was always while I was working other jobs. And this was entirely me working for myself, not working for anyone else beyond the midwives were still getting us to teach their particular program outside of that.
It was entirely my own show with my business partner. And, and so to be in that position, I was like, what do I wear? Like, I know it seems like such a stupid question, but I was like, what do I wear to work? Like I wouldn't. You know, and like trying to structure my days and like, figure out like how much time should I spend on this aspect of the business versus that.
And so it took a while for me to just try and figure out a rhythm and a consistency. Um, though it's kind of funny because consistency, I feel like all I do is work life of an entrepreneur. Like I was up until 2 AM the other day trying to get caught up on stuff, but then I'll have a day like today where I was just a little bit more relaxed and I was still getting work done, but I was just like.
Didn't feel that pressure piece, right? Right. Um, yeah, so around, um, about six months after I quit my job, so we had been, the business had been open for just over a year. Um, I was, had done a really good job sort of managing clients and because of the work that I had done at the midwifery clinic, I was, you know, I knew how to kind of work on spacing out due dates to try and avoid overlap and stuff.
But I ended up having two women going to labor on the same day. So one client was being induced because she had gone overdue and the other client's water had broke three weeks early. Oh my goodness. And luck of the draw, they both ended up being in hospital rooms right next to each other. Okay. So that worked out so well.
Um, uh, the one client delivered at 11 a. m. The other client said, go sleep. I'm doing okay. Come back in an hour or two. Go get some rest. So I did came back. I was, I live very close to the hospital. So that was really convenient. And came back and her baby was delivered at 11 p. m. that night. Wow. And then when I was leaving the dad from the first baby, I ran into him in the hallway and he's like, we're really struggling with breastfeeding.
Can you give us a hand? Wow. That's a full day. It was a very full day. So aside from that little like disco nap in the middle of it, I was up for probably, um, I think 20, 30 hours. Yeah. Um, And it was enough for me to see that I just didn't want to ever have the stress of that happen again. Um, I don't think either client minded, they both hired me when they had their second babies.
So clearly it didn't make it for them. But for me, I was like, I don't want to, I don't want to end up continuing to do this and then, um, yeah, being in a position where I'm not giving good care because I'm too tired. Right. Um, so that was sort of what the, that was what was sort of the precursor to growing my team and, um, yeah, and then it's just continually grown.
Um, We were up, um, 27 percent in 2021 from 2020. And then this year we're up 39 percent over 2021. Wow. So how many team members do you have today? So we've just, um, there's been a little bit of restructuring recently, um, but currently there's myself and three other birth doulas, and then I have two postpartum only doulas, and then I have two, um, registered nurses that teach classes for me as well.
Yeah. And I need more birth doulas. Yeah. All right. Well, anyone listening, if you're in that world, or you're halfway through your training and you're not sure how to do this, please reach out to me. Yes. So needed. Yeah. I need it. That's amazing. Bronwyn. Thank you for sharing your story. And yeah, it's very inspiring as a fellow business owner.
I love talking to you and just hearing, you know, like it's, it seems like it grew quickly, but really it's how many years, what's 2016, how many years has it been? It's been six years. Yeah. Six years. Right. So yeah. It's that parenting, you know, like there's that saying about parenting, that parenting is like long days, but short years.
And it's the same as running your business. Like, like I'll have weeks go by where I'm like, I haven't had an adult conversation with anyone. That's not been a client or a staff member, but then like, I come and I'll be like, wow, we've done this in six years. Like what? So amazing. I love that. And so I would love to just dive into a little bit more, uh, discussions that you have with your clients.
And then again, any listeners that we might have, I think we have some business owners and other healthcare practitioners that listen, but also just general population. So if for example, a pregnant person's listening. What would you, what types of things do you talk about with your pregnant clients that come in to see you?
Is there sort of like your top, um, tips or things that you talk about during that time as a doula? Hmm. So often a lot of it's birth preparation because of what people have hired us for. Okay. Typically, if people have hired us, um, who are postpartum, who are, who are pregnant and they've only hired us for postpartum, obviously it's going to be more of a focus on prepping for that postpartum period.
And, um, all of our packages actually include a postpartum planning workbook that people can kind of work through and get a sense of what that, what their plans are. You know, post baby life is going to look like, or post delivery life is going to look like, and what kind of supports they need, and it can help them sort of figure out where to put us in place in their lives.
But with birth, a lot of times the big focus is on birth, So I would say, I mean, it can really vary. Like I had a client, um, Texas the other day because her obese concern that she's gained too much weight since her last appointment. And so she was reaching out to say like, think I'm being healthy, but do you have any other tips?
And so I was sharing some specific things that I thought would help her again, being very cognizant that I'm not a medical practitioner. So. Not able to share like specific medical advice per se, but sharing resources and evidence based information. Um, but definitely with birth preparation, there's a few unique things that I often talk about that I don't always hear being discussed as widely as I would like them to be.
Yeah. And, um, I think to prepare for birth, you know, birth is both a physical marathon. It's also an emotional marathon. For sure. And for most people, they feel the full range of emotions as they're going through it, right? And so preparing yourself is really important. And if you just work on physical preparation, you're going to have You're going to potentially, I'm not going to say you're going to have, potentially you're going to have a tough time because the emotions are going to show up and they'll affect the physical.
And if you just work on the emotions, you're probably going to have a tough time because you might end up getting tired. You might end up getting exhausted and then that can trigger the emotional piece as well. Right. So I think it's really important to prepare for both. Um, We're a big proponent of the spinning babies program.
Yeah. I'm not sure if you're familiar with them, Rhonda. I I've heard of them. I will say, I don't know a lot about it. So yeah, so it's, um, it's from the U S at some, uh, their, their website's fantastic, a little bit overwhelming, but spinningbabies. com, um, myself and most of the duals on my team have taken their, um, their training program.
And so there's different exercises people can do. They look very similar to yoga and Pilates, um, different exercises people can do to specifically get their body ready for labor. They're not hugely demanding. You know, I say to people like, if you're not going to spend class before you got pregnant, you don't have to start going to spend class while you're pregnant to get rid of it.
It could literally be doing, you know, walking your dog every day and doing a series of exercises for five to 10 minutes. Right. And just doing those things to sort of prep your body can make a huge difference. But then bringing in the mindfulness piece, bringing in that emotional piece, I think is really important too.
Yeah. Um, I think part of the reason why my first birth, there was a lot of circumstances of course, that contribute it to being such, um, such a profound experience, profoundly positive experience. But one of them was how relaxed I was. Yeah. And the reason I was so relaxed is because I had done a lot of mindfulness training to prepare for that.
Um, There's quite a few things out there. I know a lot of people will go along with, um, hypnobirthing is very popular these days. Um, the program that I was trained in birthing from within offers a lot of things that are somewhat similar to hypnobirthing, so it's kind of a nice accompaniment. And I teach a lot of those to our clients and a lot of our classes as well, specific, um, mindfulness and breathing exercises.
Um, but even if you don't have access to those resources, um, the app that I often recommend to people is called Insight Timer. I use it every day. I love Insight Timer. Yes. We've talked about Insight Timer before. I love it. Yeah. And so there's like, there's tons of meditations on there that are just for birth preparation or trusting your body for birth, or, you know, I think just even listening to something like that once a day for five minutes when you first wake up or before you go to bed.
And if you have a partner doing those things with your partner. Because then your partner also is going to have an innate sense of like where to press on your hips. It's going to be helpful because you guys have been practicing, you know, or when to maybe put that meditation on because they know that like, maybe you're starting to get freaked out and this is what's going to bring you down, but more grounded place.
Um, so I would say that those two things can make a really big difference in the, in the experience. I also think it's. It's trying to know like people, I often hear people say two things to me. First, they don't want to lose control in birth. And I, I will really deeply explore that with people. Like what's the big deal with losing control.
And so if that's something that any listener struggles with and worrying is worried about with their labor preparation is like that they're going to lose control in labor. What does it mean about you? What do you think that means about you? If you lose control? Yeah. Really ponder that question, journal it, think about it, meditate on it because that's probably the very thing that you need to do to have a baby.
Oh, that just gave me chills. Cause I feel like that translates into postpartum huge, right. I think, yeah, I, again, I wish I had known about all of this stuff before having my kids, because I am now in very much like a mindfulness world, but I didn't really explore that before having kids. And I wish I had, because I can just picture how, you know, it's still obviously a very painful experience, but I really struggled with both of my deliveries.
To achieve that relaxing, relaxed state, that relaxation. And I remember my midwife in my first delivery, especially. So, you know, every push I would give as the contraction ended, I would like clench and like recoil and baby would come back in. And so I, I'd worked so hard to push, push, push, push. And then I'd recall a baby would come back in.
So it was like this game of like, yeah. It was an in. It was a tug of war. tug of war. And I remember she said, she's like, Rhonda, listen to me. This is going to sound impossible, but you know, in between your pushes, I need you to try to relax and just breathe. That's impossible. I remember thinking like, she's asking me like this crazy thing to do.
I'm like, how? And so I tried my best, but again, like, had I Done the prep work and had I known and had I researched, but I went in ignorance is bliss type thing. And, but yeah, once you gave me that cue, it was enough to work and it was enough to get Sadie out. And then I remembered that going into my delivery routine again.
But it's still, still, that's the thing. And unless you practice something in the moment, it was still so, so hard to do. And I remember like fighting against myself, like, again, that's what often happens. Yeah. People are afraid to lose control. Yeah. Is they become their own worst enemy. And then literally are fighting themselves.
Like I had a client recently, um, talk to me about some affirmations that she was working with to try and prepare for her second labor. And she said, I want you to remind me if I start to get into that fight place with the contractions, cause she'd very much had been there with her first. She said, I want you to remind me that the contractions aren't something I need to fight because they are me.
Yeah, oh, that's so good. And I was, I gave her a huge hug because I was like, that's exactly it. It's like, these are you. It's not something you need to fight or resist. It is you. Yeah. And it's such a, I, I can remember that feeling again, especially more so with my first, cause I feel like nothing prepares you for that feeling.
Yeah. Yeah. I had to give up control of my body. Like my body took over and yeah, exactly. That's what I was just going to say. Rhonda had to give up control of your body. You had to let your body take over the control. And let your mind, I, I, I, so this is a metaphor that I'll often say when I'm exploring this with people is like, it's like your body needs to drive the bus and your brain needs to be at the very back.
Yeah. And we think that means that we're going to lose control, but what that actually means is that we're probably going to have a baby a lot easier. Yeah. It's a very primal thing, right? It's just. Yeah. Yeah, and that urge to push same thing. I remember more so with my second, because I think maybe I recognized it.
And yeah, I remember I was on my side laboring. And yeah, like my midwife, I think she wanted to check me again, my dilation. And before she even got a chance to check me, I was like, Pushing and she's like, I'm like, I can't help it. And she like quickly checked me. She's like, yeah, you're good. So I was able to keep going, but it is, it is an amazing feeling.
There's nothing like it. And so animal, like I've ever felt in my life. Agreed. Pushing with both of my kids. Like it was like to, to try and stop pushing would be like trying to stop a freight train, you know, like a hundred percent. Yeah. And yeah, I, I wish I had had a mindfulness practice going into it.
Cause I think, I think, I, I don't necessarily have trauma associated with my deliveries, but obviously again, the pain was like beyond. Right. And so I didn't have epidurals with either of mine, which that was my plan. And, you know, I would probably do it again the same way, but I, yeah, it was like, I reached like some fearful moments and some, like, I don't want to do this anymore moments, which again, I'm sure everybody does regardless.
And I think, I think that's part of it. I think that's part of it because, you know,
This is a big thing that we talked about in the birthing from within program is that, you know, birth is not just a transformation. It's a transmutation like ourselves actually change because we've been pregnant like ourselves actually change for the rest of our lives because we carried a child. And so birth is like the like.
It's like the, the peak of that. It's like the epicenter of that. Right. And so we're going to hit these walls where we feel like we just want to give up and we feel like we can't do it anymore. And we don't have a choice. We got to keep going. I mean, I remember at one point in my first birth as idyllic, as I've just described it, um, turning to my midwife saying, I can't do this anymore.
That's it. Fuck this. I'm coming back next Tuesday. They kind of laughed like, of course, like, what do you mean you're coming back next Tuesday? You're going to have a baby in an hour, you know, and And I think that that's something that Um, I had to just keep going. Yeah. And I somehow had to find the power in me to keep going.
And that power that I found is what has sustained me as a mother. Those are the moments that we are truly birthing ourselves as mothers. I think that's part of what, like, I love being around babies and I love the smell and I love their skin and dah, dah, dah, dah. Like, it's wonderful. But like, for me, it's the, it's the parents, you know, and watching the parents hit what they think is the end of their rope, but it's not because they got to keep going.
And then they somehow find more rope. And that piece that they find is when they give birth to themselves as parents. And that's the piece that is incredible. Yeah. You know, and that's the part that like, I wouldn't be a parent if I didn't have those pieces that I found in my birth. For sure. And neither would you, Rhonda, right?
Yeah. It's all part of the story. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's all part of the transmutation, you know, I really like that. Oh, that's so good. Yeah. And just going back to the control thing, like I, yeah, jumping now to postpartum that I struggled with that. I feel like I was able to kind of, you know, relinquish control during my delivery, but Postpartum I like fought tooth and nail about that control piece.
And so, yeah, again, I think having, you know, the training and having a doula, that would have been so helpful just, just for that mindset piece. And I talk a lot about that with my work. It's not so much more than the physical recovery and the physical strength building, it's the mental that is. The biggest piece.
And so I think, yeah, what doulas do is so important in that regard. And I love what you said about, cause I feel what I felt and what I find a lot of my clients say is in the medical model, it's very focused on the baby, which, is obviously so, so important. We want to make sure baby's good. We want to make sure baby's healthy.
I did feel ignored a lot of times, like in the hospital, it was more just me again. It's like the very medical things, you know, making sure you're bleeding is okay. Of course. Yes. They're on, on the ball. I don't remember having anyone like just looking in my eyes and being like, how are you doing? Yeah.
Right. Like I've never had that. There's an agenda that people are showing up with check that all these checkboxes off the list and they're all physical for the mom. They're all as the, how's the baby thriving for the baby, but there's no, how are you doing? How's your partner doing? The partner is not even considered in this picture.
You know, and, and not just how's your bleeding going or like, how are your urine cramps when you first start breastfeeding the first week, like it's not just that it's, how are you doing? And that's the piece that, um, I think again, is part of what drives me to do this work is that nobody's checking in on that.
And even your house guests coming over, they just want to meet the baby. I know. And so often you're just like, what am I chopped liver? Like, I know, you know, and it makes that identity piece when you're going through these huge change and you're becoming a parent. And all of a sudden it just feels like your whole identity as a parent, it just reinforces that aloneness because you're like, not only do I not know who I am, I'm not even considered in these pictures anymore.
Yeah. You know? And I think that that I, like, you know, That's gotten even worse over COVID with that sense of isolation. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. I remember I actually talked about this story on the podcast. I remember vividly a friend of mine, Who wasn't a parent and very well meaning came over to see Sadie. And yeah, I said like, aren't you just so overjoyed?
Like, isn't just like the most amazing experience. And I remember like so clearly inside me being like, I'm so resentful of my baby right now. And like, I am not enjoying myself, but of course I was like, yes, it's so wonderful. And so, yeah, again, I think, you know, had, I had a doula and like someone just To me and be that I can be honest with.
Like that is so important because I feel like I was probably open and honest with my husband. I was for sure because we were both struggling. But still, I think to have like an outside person validate that that is so normal to feel that way. And like, you're getting there. There's nothing wrong with you.
You know, I know all this stuff. Now, you know, I'm three years.
For the University of Toronto, they have a family care office for any faculty, any staff, any students that are have a family, um, and they do different, um, programs. And so, um, I've come, come in a few times in the last, um, couple of years and given a talk about what does mental health look like for new parents.
And so there was a combination of people on today that were expecting, or, um, had had a baby within the last, um, I think the oldest, um, baby was eight months. Um, and just talking about what that looks like. And that also the two things can be true. And I love Rhonda, that you just shared that story. Like it can be true that you're totally in love with your baby and this feels so wonderful.
And also you're also resentful because none of this looks like anything you've ever experienced before and you don't know what the fuck is going on. Yeah. And neither of those thoughts, It means that you're mean to yourself or mean to your baby. You're just a human being processing a really profound experience that changes you in every single facet of your life.
For sure. Yeah. So important. And again, I, I talk about this all the time, just the importance of having that team approach. Right. So I think that's, what's so wonderful about the doula role, right. Is yeah, it's not replacing, you know, the medical side of things. You still have that side. Um, you know, I, I'm a huge proponent of like mental health support.
So all of this comes with privilege. I understand. Right. I wish we could live in a world that everyone had access to all of these things that money was not a factor. That's not real, but yeah, I, you know, anyone that's listening and you're able to afford these services, like, please. Look them up because yeah, it just, it's such a, you know, huge transformative experience and nothing prepares you for it.
Um, but to have that support system. Yeah, it's just, it's a way to recreate the village when you live in a society that no longer has that village model. For sure. Yeah, absolutely. Uh, so you kind of touched on postpartum, but is there anything else that you know that you go in to talk to a postpartum person, whether it's their first or their second or their fifth, whatever it is?
Are there some common themes, some common discussions that you have with those parents? Um, well, I think the one that we just touched on, you know, and trying to normalize the mental health piece that, um, you know, here's what baby blues can look like. Here's what postpartum depression can look like, but here's also what just normal looks like.
Normal average emotional changes can mean that you feel resentful of your baby and you're not loving every moment of this. And then you're also feeling huge guilt because you're not loving every moment of this. Right. Right. Right. I think also for first time parents, there's so much fear that they're going to somehow screw this up.
And You know, I will, I'll have parents that will call me, you know, five in the morning, like hoping that they're not waking me up because they just realized that the diaper change that they did at 1am. They put the diaper on backwards and thinking like, have I like just screwed everything up. You haven't.
And, you know, that parenting guilt is so strong. The first little bit that you look at something like that and like. You can giggle now that you've been out of that stage, but when you're in that stage, you just think, Oh my God, I must be the worst parent ever. What have I just done? I've screwed up the diaper or I put the sleeper on wrong or I, you know, whatever, like these little simple things and they can just feel devastating.
And I say a couple of things to parents when I get approached with these kinds of scenarios. First, whatever you just did, it's not enough to put your baby into therapy. Might be enough to put you into therapy, but it's not enough to put your baby into therapy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Guarantee it. Yeah. I have a 17 year old.
Trust me, what she's doing to me right now, what I'm doing to her, that's therapy. But you know, the first couple of weeks, first couple of months, first couple of years, even. Yeah. The other piece is that I think because social media is so prevalent in our society and there is so much pressure put on families these days, you know, um, That I think parents are often playing the comparison game with themselves.
Yeah. And so they're thinking, Oh my God, I must be the worst person ever because my home doesn't look like this influences or my kids don't look as pulled together as this person's videos and pictures, or as you know, my neighbor down the street who seems like they've got it all together. Your baby doesn't know anyone different.
You are the only parent that they've ever met before. They're not comparing you to like, you know, the neighbor down the street who looks like she's got all her shit together. Right. All they know is you. And so sometimes remembering that can be really helpful to not take some of these things to hurt so much and to not have such high expectations, unattainable expectations for ourselves.
For sure. So yeah, checking those expectations at the door is a big one that I often talk about. And maybe deleting Instagram for a little while if you need to. Yeah, I noticed that you had actually posted that the other day that you're deleting it on your phone every night and I've been doing that for months.
It's so helpful, you know, like I'll be like, okay, I've been on it way too much this week with my business. So I'm eating it and I'm not going to go back on until Sunday night. Yeah. I think I'm, I see it differently, probably similar to you. It's, it's part of my job, right? So I think I see it as like, I'm done work for the day.
So I'm also done Instagram for the day. Right. Whereas some people that is they're unwind, but I like to be, you know, if I'm watching a show and I'm scrolling, I'm not even paying attention to the show. Right. So I'm trying to be more mindful of, you know, just the downtime activities I do at night and not trying to do both things at once.
So it is helpful. Um, I want to touch on. So I have a client actually right now, we were talking about this, that we came from moms that weren't good at asking for help. And so we are getting better and being very mindful and conscious. not doing that. And yeah, just, you know, going against that sort of stereotype of like, mom does everything, you know, in that heteronormative relationship, wife does everything.
Um, do you come across that with your like female identifying clients? Like, is that, or is someone that seeks out a doula more inclined to like, Oh, we still, yeah, absolutely still have people who struggle. They're like, I feel really weird asking you to come over and fold my laundry. And I'm like, but that's what you've paid us a lot of money for, right?
Right. And so we just have to get rid of that stigma, right? That, that we need that help. And I think the other piece with us not having the village model in our lives anymore, that further exasperates that. It's hard to ask for help or it's I should feel ashamed or I should somehow feel guilty because I've asked for help.
Like we have the society that really focuses on, um, prizing independence, you know, and, and then it's meant that when we're going through these really big changes, whether it's becoming a parent or losing a partner or divorce or whatnot, we don't have people coming and helping us. Yeah. And those are the times that we need help.
So a big part of what I talk about, um, is reframing it. Yeah. Trying to think of it as not asking for help. If that word help carries a lot of shame, it can be, it can be a heavy word for a lot of people. It can carry, there can be a lot of negative connotations around it. So if that, if, if, if it has negative connotations, think of yourself as asking for things to specific specific things, or I just need assistance with this one thing, you know, like change the word, try and reframe it.
Because that can often make you feel, start to feel more comfortable with it and flip the script, like figure out what the root of that is. Like, was it because I grew up in a family where my mom did the vast majority of stuff? Well, how did that work out for her? How is she doing? Is she, are, are, are your parents retired and she's still doing all the other, all the stuff.
And your dad's like, you know, enjoying his retirement life. Like how is that working? Is that what you want for your future conversation with your partner? Right. Or what was their life? Because, you know, there's a lot of situations where, yeah, you know, someone's mom did everything, but maybe they didn't work or they worked part time.
Right. And so maybe that's not your life. And how do you compare that? My parents had a more egalitarian relationship, um, because they both owned a business together. Yeah. And so there was You know, a lot of like half of the nights, my dad cooked the meals and the other half my mom cooked and it was, it was just sort of a give and take is based on how sort of the day evolved, not on you are this gender therefore your role is to do blah blah blah.
Yeah. Um, so I grew up with that model. And so that's something that's very easy for me to, to, I think, put into place because I grew up with that model, but I recognize not a lot of families have grown up with those types of models. And so that it's hard for you to just, if that's what you saw, it's just natural to even just move towards that, even if that's not what you want.
So, but I think trying to reframe it. Um, And trying to flip the script on those kinds of thoughts that like, you know, what comes up for you when you think, Oh, I shouldn't be asking for help. Well, why? Well, why? Like, just keep asking yourself why write down those thoughts that are coming up for you. Like, Oh, I might appear weak.
Well, what's wrong with that? You know, eventually you're going to get to that kernel of truth that you'll be like, Oh, this is why this is really hard. And then you start working with that piece. Maybe it feels like it's weak. And if you're weak, then that means that you're not a strong person. And, you know, like, who knows where that path is going to take you, but do some work around that, right.
Or the judgment. I feel like we're always afraid of somebody judging us, right. Then the same thing, like dig deep into that. So what if you, what does that mean about you? If they judge you exactly, right. One of the things that I realized in my own healing work around my second birth, Um, and so one of the things that I realized was that it's not so much what happens in the labor that caused us trauma.
It's not to say that that doesn't cause us trauma because it certainly can, but more I think so of what can cause us trauma is what we think of what we think it means about ourselves or about the people around us who are supposed to support us because that particular thing happened. Yeah, so. Sometimes if I have clients that will say, you know, for example, like, Oh my gosh, I could never birth without an epidural.
You know, I don't think I could handle that pain or the opposite. Like, Oh my goodness, women who birth without epidurals must be, or birth with epidurals must be so weak. Like I need to see my power as a woman. And I'll say to them, okay, well, how are you going to feel about yourself if you end up needing an epidural?
Because there could be a, there could be a part of this experience where you genuinely need that epidural. Every judgment you've just made about those other women, you're going to reflect back on yourself. So let's deal with that now preemptively. Yes. Right? And so I think it's the same with the piece of asking for help.
What is it that's, that's that trigger for you? What is that story that you're telling yourself about yourself if you ask for help? Work on that. Yeah. Yeah. And that's huge, right? I think we see that too with cesarean section, right? I feel like I talked to a lot of clients that have such stories about, and again, it's societal based, right?
It's all these stories that, yeah, you failed, quote unquote, if you have a cesarean section, right? And so, well, we even have the word, the term failure in some of our medical language around birth. Like if somebody's, if somebody's cervix doesn't continue to dilate, it's called failure to progress. Oh wow. We need better words.
Oh yeah. I have a list of them that I would change if I could. Yeah, I was running the show. Yeah. So I think a lot of it. Yeah, it just comes down to and again I love, you know, the work that you do as a doula is just having these conversations and opening our minds to all of the possibilities, and just, again, having that support and having that non judgmental person.
There and that. Yeah. And I love the idea of even during the birth of having sort of that outside person that again is not in the medical field. And yeah, that bridge, like you said, between the two to just kind of normalize everything right and explain things and It's so amazing what you do. And say to people, you know, it's a good, this is a good time to go to the bathroom.
You haven't gone to the bathroom for a couple of hours. Yeah. Yeah. That's one more thing that the baby has to navigate around. And also this is a good time to take a sip of water. Cause you haven't done that either. And if you start to get dehydrated, your contractions actually get more painful, but we're also really good at looking, turning the partner and saying, You haven't eaten for a couple of hours.
I'm kicking you out of the birth room for a while. Go and grab some Tim Hortons and we'll see you. And I'll, you know, or I'll call you if she's, you know, anything dramatic starts to happen while you're gone. But trying to just take care of everybody in that whole picture. Yeah, that is the thing. You do, you see the whole picture, right?
Even, yeah, when you're in it, you don't see it, you know, whether that's birth or postpartum, it's really hard to see that whole picture because you're, it's happening to you. You're right in the middle of it. Yeah. Oh, so good. Bronwyn, is there any last little like tidbit of advice or something that you talk about often that you want to share before we wrap up?
Oh my goodness. I can get on my birth soap box and just it. Give it to us. We're on for hours and hours. You know, I think that it's an experience that I hope everybody gets to have going back to that transformation piece and it's really hard and it will test you in a multitude of ways, but it's also incredibly beautiful.
And it's what love is, you know, yeah. So, um, and then the other piece I would probably say is do your best. Um, because in doing our best, we can only look back on things and recognize that we did the best we could with what we knew at the time, whether that was a really difficult moment in birth and you had to make, um, a judgment call, or you had to agree or disagree with your care providers on, you know, the next step, or it was trying to deal with a baby who has call like at two in the morning when you're just.
Your energy's fried and you're just done just recognizing you're doing your best all the time. That one hits home for me, Bronwyn. That was Sadie for me. And yeah, I feel like I beat myself up, not anymore. I'm sure it's all moments, but yeah, when I, when I was going through it, yes, it's, it's hard not to question your capabilities as a parent in those moments.
Yeah, absolutely. It's, and I think it goes back to that and piece. We need to have more room for and in our culture, our culture can be very sort of extreme ends of the spectrum thinking, you know, if you're not this side of things, then you're the other side of things. And no, we can be both. We can be loving this experience.
We can be loving the fact that we're pregnant and also be puking our guts out every day because we have hyperemesis and hating it. You know, it's okay to feel, feel both ways about it. Yeah, and they don't cancel each other out. No, no, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And I think the thing with capability is that We don't have it innately.
We grow it. Yeah. Right. It's like anything, like any on the job training, right? It truly is like life's on the job training. Yeah, it truly is. Um, and where it's so hard is that you don't get a break is, you know, it's not a nine to five. Three months, you know, trial period. It's a 24, seven. That was the huge wake up call for me.
And I'm sure most parents feel that way too, that, yeah, just even when, you know, your partner potentially goes back to work, I feel like that's when it really sets in that you get resentful and jealous of that, right? It's like, you get to leave, you get to drive by yourself to your job, talk to other adult humans.
Yeah. You know, have a lunch by yourself, you know, and, and I don't get that break. Right. And so that was a huge wake up call. And yeah, I will say if, you know, listeners that are tuning in that are in that thick of like the newborn, for me, it was like zero to six months was so, so hard and it got better after that.
It does get better. It sounds so cliche to say, and I feel like I, you know, resented people that said that to me, but it truly does. Yeah. Yes. Just keep going and ask for help. Short years. Yes. 100%. And ask for help. Yeah. I mean, I think again, going back to that village piece, if, if we had that village model, partners wouldn't necessarily be going back to work or maybe they're going back to work part time, you know, like there would potentially be other options.
We just don't live in a culture that's fully supporting that yet. I hope that that changes. Because I feel like I see glimmers of change often. Um, So yeah, trying to figure for yourself because it's also the situation that we find ourselves in culturally. For sure. Is that it doesn't support parenthood as much as it should.
It really doesn't. Yeah. But I also think from the partner standpoint too, just to, just to defend them, I think it's heartbreaking for them to be the ones to have to go off to work. For sure. And miss out on these really profound experiences that they are not getting to have day in and day out. Yes. And so it can often cause a divide because you're both sort of feeling resentful of each other.
Yeah. Which could be, we could do a whole session just on part of partnerships and how they're affected. Yes. A whole episode on that, yes. So good, Bronwyn. And so again, I will repeat myself, but I think again, if it's in your means and you are seeking out that support, 100 percent look into doula because what you do is so important.
Um, yeah, it's, it's amazing. So how can people find you Bronwyn? And if they are interested in working with a doula, how can they look for you and find you? Absolutely. Um, so I'm pretty easy to find on the web, um, balancingbirthbaby. com. Um, our Instagram is balancingbirthtobaby, um, and we're pretty active there.
We post a few times a week, um, but if they're interested or want to learn more about the doula piece, um, as well as our classes, our website has lots of really great information. Um, it's got a pretty jam packed blog as well with a lot of this type of advice that we've shared tonight. Thanks. amongst other sorts of topics.
Um, and they can always click on the book a consult button if they would like to meet with a doula team and just learn more about what this includes and what our packages are and, you know, meet a potential team that they could work with. Um, our consults tend to book up pretty quickly. I'm hoping to be able to open more time slots throughout the week soon.
Um, but if they're, if they're not seeing one available just yet and they want to speak about this sooner rather than later, they can always just email me through the website. Awesome. And do you still offer a lot of classes to run when we do? We offer the widest range of classes right now in the region.
We were doing everything over zoom, of course, during the pandemic, but started back to in person classes in September. So we use the classroom space at my old, my old employer at Blue Heron midwives. So it's really cool to be back in that space. Um, and I think it's great to be back in person and have more of that, um, more of that in person experience.
So, yeah. Awesome. And I'll put all of that in the show notes. Thank you so much. Thanks, Rhonda. It's great to have you as always. Yes, as always. Yeah. Thank you so much for everything you shared. And yes, look up Bronwyn. Look up her business. It's incredible. Thank you. Thanks for listening to today's podcast.
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