Guest Blog: Top 5 ways to thrive postpartum

I am excited to introduce you to parental mental health therapist, Jessica Barnes! Jessica has been in private practise for five  years, and has specialized trainings in maternal mental health, pregnancy and infant loss, and birth trauma.

Today she will be sharing with you her top 5 ways to thrive postpartum…

As a mom of three small children, I know firsthand how challenging it can be to navigate the postpartum period in a way that leads to us, our babies, and our families, thriving as opposed to just surviving. No one ever wants to struggle with their mental health, but struggling while you’re also trying to keep a very small human alive, and possibly other small humans alive, is particularly awful.

In my practise as a Parental Mental Health Therapist, I have noticed that certain things carry more bang for their buck so to speak at preventing or limiting struggles during postpartum. Here are my top 5 tips for expecting parents – and they might surprise you! 

1️⃣ The focus postpartum should be 49% on baby, and 51% on the birthing parent. 


This important shift should apply to all planning for baby and postpartum. Meals, help with housework, discussions of how sleep and rest are going to be prioritized, building your village, all of those things should be discussed just as much (if not more) than what car seat to buy, and what colour the nursery is going to be. If asking for or even knowing what you need is hard for you, now’s a great time to start doing some internal work on moving past that. Parents who are confident in asking for what they need during postpartum are most likely to actually enjoy the experience and struggle less in my experience. 


2️⃣ A good postpartum requires a team effort – your partner has work to do too!

Having a supportive partner who is willing to share the burden of responsibility equally, who is able to regulate their own emotions, and have difficult discussions about each partners needs without getting defensive, plays a huge role in how birthers feel postpartum. If pre- baby you already have resentment towards your partner and feel an unequal burden of practical and emotional labor in your relationship, now’s the time for couples therapy or individual therapy for both of you.  
 

3️⃣ Consider writing out a birth roadmap even if you don’t like the idea of a birth “plan”.

Clients underestimate the impact that their birth experience will have on their mental health postpartum. Birth trauma is a huge risk factor for postpartum mood disorders. One of the best ways to prevent birth trauma is to get informed about possible interventions that could happen during your birth, as well as really thinking about what makes you feel comfortable in vulnerable times.  A plan doesn’t have to mean you get set on your birth going one way only, which is why I like the term roadmap instead. There are almost always options, and trying to make informed decisions in the middle of labor is not ideal. You and your partner should know the risks and benefits of various interventions ahead of time so you can advocate for yourself and improve your chances of an empowering birth experience. 


4️⃣ Educate yourself on normal infant sleep.

A huge cause of postpartum anxiety that I see is stress about infant sleep. There are two reasons for this; one is because it’s hard on mental health when babies wake frequently. The other is that, and more predominant in my opinion, is that the internet is filled with messages that if your baby isn’t sleeping you are doing something wrong. The fields of infant mental health and infant neuroscience have blown up in the last ten years, and we now have a lot of research on what normal sleep expectations are for infants. Responsive nighttime parenting is important for our babies growing brains and actually leads to more independence and calmer babies down the road, but this doesn’t mean that you have to suffer through sleep deprivation. A lot of the time stress is relieved just knowing that a frequently waking 6 month old is still very normal. Educate yourself on what the very wide range of normal is, and talk to your partner about what you can do to cope and how to maximize rest if you end up with a high needs sleeper! 


5️⃣ Start building your village during pregnancy.

Do not wait until you are tired and struggling to start trying to find professionals to help you. If you are interested in breastfeeding, look up lactation consultants and le Leche League groups around you. If nutrition and exercise is important, find a postpartum exercise specialist (like Rhonda!) and connect. Find a therapist before you feel overwhelmed so you can build the relationship and connection ahead of time. You can’t predict everything, but knowing what’s important to you and finding the supports to help in case things are feeling tough takes a lot of mental pressure off

Postpartum offers a unique opportunity for personal growth – improving our own health and wellbeing so that we can be the best parents for our babies is a great motivator. If you’d like some extra support during this time from someone that really ‘gets’ it, I’d love to work with you! Please reach out at jessicabarnesmsw@gmail.com or through my website www.jessicabarnes.ca

~Jessica~

P.S. You can hear more postpartum mental health advice and find out more about Jessica in this podcast episode!